Edward's Christmas Carol
by bloodnoir
Summary: The Christmas Carol Twilight style.
1. Chapter 1

**Edward's Christmas Carol**

**Disclaimer: The plotline belongs to Charles Dickens and the rest is Steph Meyer's. I'm just playing in their awesome world.**

**Chapter 1December Twenty-Fourth **

Everyone hurrying down the block was bundled tightly against the bitter cold. The snow pouring down heavily coated everything and everyone in glittering crystals that glinted in the moonlight. I was surrounded by people all bundled up, faces down to avoid the frigid breeze, and felt so lonely. Though I walked with them, I was not of them. The rough winters of New York did not faze me as it did them and the spirit of Christmas, that had everyone rushing to stores for last minute Christmas gifts, did not live inside me.

I sat on the bench and watched the humans skate at Rockefeller Center and for the millionth time wondered what my love was doing at that precise moment. Would her mind wander to me briefly? Or had I been too true to my word and erased myself from her life so thoroughly that she'd buried all memories of me somewhere so deep down never be rediscovered?

"Merry Christmas," a stunning woman in a floor sweeping cashmere coat holding a steaming cup of hot chocolate said to me as she sat on the bench her eyes appraising every inch of me, her internal thoughts noting the absence of a wedding ring.

I nodded but remained quiet, not sure if tonight I wanted to get lost in some nameless woman's embrace. I'd spent many nights that way in my vain attempt to forget about…_her_. And no matter how lovely, smart, or interesting they were, none of them filled the void inside me. No, there was only one cure for that and I'd given _her_ up long ago.

"I'm Anna," she spoke softly, her hot breath misting in front of her painted mouth and offered me a leather-clad hand.

"Edward," I replied drawing her hand to my lips and grazing her knuckles with a kiss that sent her heart racing and left her nearly breathless. "Do you live around here, Anna?"

Her hazel eyes were wide and locked on mine as I leaned further into her personal space letting my scent wash over her leaving her a befuddled mess. "Dazzled," _she'd_ called it once upon a time. I'd seen that look many times on so many women's faces.

"A block over," she finally whispered. "Would you like to come up for a…drink?"

I chuckled. So that's what they were calling it these days. A drink? The poor thing had no clue that I could read her every nefarious thought. "I'd love to."

* * *

I stood under the spray of the shower with the water as hot as it would go and let it wash the sins of my depraved night away. I'd had a brief moment with Anna where the urge to show her what I was was so tempting, her blood calling to me so loudly, that it was a miracle that I was able to leave her alive and very well satisfied. Unfortunately, the same could not be said for me. None of the women ever slaked the need that rode me. And as for alive…well, I hadn't been for more years than I cared to count. Though, there had been a time when _she'd_ given me back some semblance of my life.

I threw on my navy robe and poured some leftover deer blood into a cracked coffee cup, heated it up, and sat at my piano. The same damn thing I'd done last night and the night before and countless other nights. My fingers automatically played her song. They only slowed long enough to take a sip from the warm cup then picked up their ferocious speed while I pictured the lovely mortal that the song had been created for; each note, each image shredding through my dead heart more effectively than any vampire ever could.

A trick of the light showed a face in the lacquer of my piano startling me so that I faltered mid way through the song I knew so well. I glanced around the barren room drawing in a lungful of air to scent the air, but as far as I could tell, I was as alone as I always was every other night. I picked up where I left off after quietly listening for signs of an intruder. For one hopeful second, I thought maybe my family had decided to ignore my wishes and decided to visit me, but I'd burned that bridge long ago.

"Edward."

My head snapped up and my mother's face was reflected in the window across the room. Her long bronze hair flowed around her as though the wind had caught it and her emerald eyes sparkled like the most perfect jewels as she stepped out of the window and floated to the middle of the room.

I'd snapped. Too long by myself brooding and my mind had finally snapped.

"Oh my dear, dear boy. What have you done?"

I shook my head, closed my eyes, and began playing. Playing to drown out the familiar notes of my imagined mother's comforting voice, playing to drown out the Christmas carols that droned on and on endlessly in the surrounding apartments, but mostly to fill the emptiness that bore down on me.

"You always did play beautifully, my boy," she whispered against my ear and it was so real that I could have sworn I felt her breath against my chilled flesh.

My fingers stilled much the way an animal does in hopes that the predator will pass it by. "What is this? You're…dead," I whispered. It was one thing to see and hear things, but talking to them...well, that certainly wasn't a good sign.

She nodded looking so sad. "I am." She reached out and skimmed my cheek with her weightless, insubstantial hand. I hadn't expected to feel anything, but there was an almost imperceptible tingle where she'd grazed me. "Edward, you must listen to me. You're wasting the life I gave to you."

She fluttered away, her gaze taking in all the charcoal sketches of my vampire family and one human. "You had so much and you've turned your back on it. On all of them." When she turned back to face me she looked the way she had on her death bed as she used up the last of her strength to take care of me.

I gasped at her withered form growing older and nearer to death with each passing second.

"You must right the wrongs, Edward."

I shook my head knowing how futile it would be. Some wrongs just couldn't be righted, some acts were unforgivable. I'd broken her heart more times than I could count and tore my family apart in the process. _She'd _finally moved on with her life, just like I'd told her to, and I'd hurt my vampire family too badly to ever hope that they'd ever welcome me back. "There's no going back," I mumbled pressure building in my chest from the overwhelming emotions the conversation was dredging up.

"To help you see what is so plain to see, three ghosts will be visiting you this night. Listen to them, my boy. Heed them well." She kissed me gently on the cheek. "Otherwise, you will regret it for all eternity."

And as quickly as she'd appeared, she vanished leaving me standing in the middle of my barely furnished living room wondering what the hell had just happened.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2 Ghost of Christmas Past**

**Disclaimer: The plotline belongs to Charles Dickens and the rest is Steph Meyer's. I'm just playing in their awesome world.**

I didn't have long to ponder the odd twist my evening had taken. No sooner had I wondered if Dickens had truly found himself in a similar predicament and decided to write about his personal experience, that the room filled with a blinding light. The light did not hurt my eyes as it should, but bathed me in peace and comfort. Bella had made me feel like this. Every time she'd wrap those too fragile arms around me and kissed me more enthusiastically than she should, I was enveloped in the light that shone from her. I'd tried to forget how her goodness chased the shadows from my heart and replaced it with love and contentment, because to remember was too debilitating and the need to seek her out for one more hit of her intoxicating love took every last reserve of strength I possessed.

The ghost glimmered in and out of existence; her golden eyes the only thing wholly there. Once she stood before me, she cocked her head to one side and it felt like she was reading my every thought. Where it had been invasive when Aro had done it nine months ago, this felt more like going to confession and having a priest listen and not judge then offer absolution.

"Let me guess, you're the Ghost of Christmas Past," I said dryly.

She solidified, as much as light can, and held her arm out to me, her golden nails long and pointed into sharp tips. "Take my hand, Edward, and know comfort. You need not fear me. What I will show you has already happened; it cannot harm you. I only seek to show you what you refuse to see."

Ignoring her wasn't going to help. Goodness knows Scrooge had tried and still found himself reliving his past memories. But I didn't want to see what she would surely show me. My memories were as clear to me today as the events themselves. I didn't need a stroll down Memory Lane to know that I had hurt my love, to know that I was not what was best for her. "I haven't forgotten anything. Your services are not required."

She smiled gently and it was a smile that all mothers reserve for their children – full of patience. "I am not here to jog your memory. I'm here to offer balance. All you see is the bad. But we are not wholly good or bad, Edward. We are a mixture and in need of both to grow and learn."

She wafted forward her hand but a breath from mine. "Now, take my hand." Her tone was still pleasant and motherly, but I could feel her displeasure at having to ask twice and found that I didn't want to disappoint her, so I placed my hand on her palm expecting it to just fall through her airy skin.

Darkness enveloped me instantly. I was sucked out of the room backwards at a dizzying speed through the threads of time. As fast as I could run, it was nothing compared to this sensation and I had a moment of pity for Bella after her first run with me as we left our meadow.

Here and there I saw familiar faces racing by in the darkness, but these were not the ones the ghost searched for.

Just when I feared that I couldn't bear flying through time for one more second, we slowed and right in front of my eyes the image of my mother weeping over my unconscious form at the hospital appeared. She was deathly ill, but the love of her only child was more powerful and she sat attending to me with a cool washcloth. Her hand trembled slightly as she mopped my brow then a wracking cough shook her, and when she wiped her mouth, the cloth was crimson.

The urge to go to her and take care of her was upon me, but the ghost held fast to my arm. "You chose this memory. Why?" she asked, her eyes taking in every detail of the hospital room.

I watched myself open my eyes and remembered how helpless I'd felt at that moment when my mother collapsed on her little cot, blood still tingeing her lips. "I didn't choose this," I murmured.

Another gentle smile that was quickly becoming patronizing. "You had much more pleasant memories of her than this, but you deliberately turned away from them." She circled around the scene taking in the stench of the dead that were left out in the hallways because there wasn't enough personnel to deal with them and attend to the living, as well.

"Then, by all means, lead the way to one of my more _pleasant_ memories," I snapped, glaring at her.

"I do not wish to upset you, Edward," she finally spoke from across the room, "I only seek to save you from yourself." She frowned. "You have such lovely memories, but you've locked them away and refuse to acknowledge them. I thought the best way to help you was for you to view them, but, perhaps, I was mistaken. Some people like to make things difficult." She appeared by my side, her hand but a breath from mine. "I suspect you are one of those people." She inclined her head toward the door. "Shall we?"

I barely had time to blink, let alone decide, and I was again hurtling through time, flashes of my life flying by.

A gasp fell from my mouth when she released my arm and walked to the back of the classroom to examine the specimens sealed in the jars. Mr. Banner's Biology classroom was exactly as I remembered. The seat next to me was empty as it had been all semester. I knew what I would see before she walked through the door, but it didn't prepare me for seeing her beautiful face again.

Bella, my Bella, walked past me only to be stricken with fear at the hostile look in my hungry eyes. I was ashamed of how monstrous I looked at that moment. How Bella could have ever look upon me with anything other than fear and disgust, was beyond me. She tripped and I almost pounced on her right there. So weak, so enticing. So lost I was in the bloodlust, that I barely registered that she had taken the only available seat in the room – the one at my table. The many scenarios that passed rapidly through my mind were vile and disgusting. I hated myself in that moment for being so weak. I'd always known I wasn't good enough for her. Now I had the evidence of my monstrosity right in front of me.

"No more," I begged of the ghost. I couldn't stand the feelings circling through my mind. Plotting her murder and that of her classmates was just one of many memories that would haunt me for all eternity.

The ghost embraced me and chased that wretched image away. "I will say this once more, Edward. You are in control of what we see, not me."

When I opened my eyes I was in the ballet studio and Bella was a bloodied, broken mess on the floor. Worse, I was drinking her blood in an attempt to suck out the venom, but God, she'd tasted so good. Stopping wasn't an option even as I noted how her heartbeat faltered. No, there'd been a very brief moment when I was prepared to drain every last drop of her sweet blood, love be damned.

The ghost beside me sighed in frustration. "Open your eyes and truly see. It is not our thoughts, but our actions that define us." She pointed sharply. "Look past your moment of weakness and see the hero within. Even with Alice's vision of an eternally beautiful Bella playing through her thoughts telling you that you were fighting a losing battle, you took up the most difficult challenge you could ever encounter and you were victorious. You staved off her loss of humanity for another day, and proved to yourself that you were not a slave to your baser instincts."

Even now I could still taste her blood, but unlike the vision before me, it did not faze me. In fact, it bordered on repulsive. I smiled at the thought of anything of Bella's being repulsive. But I'd known even before I'd made the decision, not once, but twice, to leave her, that I had the issue of her blood under control. My mind flashed back to Bella's birthday party and the image of Jasper attacking her. Her blood might not still beckon to me, but the same could not be said for the rest of my family.

Just thinking about that party drew me into the memory and I cursed myself for being stupid enough to remember the event that had altered my relationship with Bella forever while in the presence of the Ghost of Christmas past

.Bella's eighteenth birthday party. The beginning was missing; all I was focused on was one minuscule drop of blood and the chaos it had caused. Jasper would never forgive himself and the rest of the family wouldn't forget that they'd hungered for a taste of that blood, too. Alice had tried to fight it, but in the end the smell of her blood had been too much. Even Esme had had to stop breathing and race out of the room leaving Carlisle to attend to the lacerations that my own actions had caused.

I collapsed to the floor. "Look what we did to her. I was selfish to ever put her in such a situation."

"You loved her," she countered as though it excused everything.

"And that's a valid excuse? She could have died!" I screamed like a toddler who'd been told he couldn't have a cookie before dinner.

She laughed and all my anger dissipated. She was like Jasper but magnified by a million. "Edward, she was human. She could have died at any moment. Disease, time, an accident. You were never in charge or control of Bella's mortality. You aren't God, after all."

Her words penetrated, but were foreign to me. For so long I'd shouldered the responsibility of protecting her, always trying to do what I deemed was the best thing for her.

"There. That is what I've been waiting for you to understand. Now, Edward, are you ready to see what's worth living for?" She didn't wait for a reply, and I'm not sure I could have given her one. Had I been foolish? Had I thrown my one shot at happiness away for nothing?

"Now, now, now. None of that. I won't stand for such morose thoughts. And Bella is not your only reason for living nor your only source of happiness."

She pointed her finger, touching the air in front of us, and as she withdrew her hand a scene filled the space in front of us.

Alice and Jasper stood at our door step like they owned the place, a myriad of luggage encircling them. She smiled sweetly at Carlisle and Esme and said in her musical voice, "I'm Alice and this is Jasper. Where should we put these?" She'd motioned to her bags. I hadn't seen this moment first hand, but through Carlisle's memories on several occasions. The little minx had moved all of my things out to the garage and took over my room because it was the best in the house. A chuckle fell from my lips and I couldn't have been more shocked. How long had it been since I'd had any reason to laugh? I missed Alice more than any other aside from Bella. They were all special, all family, but Alice and I had a bond that I simply did not share with the others.

The vision faded and was quickly replaced by another.

"You're going down, Pretty Boy" Emmett growled as he barreled toward me while Jasper blanketed me in his power in an attempt to slow me down enough to give Emmett an edge. Emmett swept my feet out from under me as the rest of my family cheered him on and after a short tussle had me pinned to the floor while Jasper counted to ten gloating over their victory.

Alice's face appeared in my line of vision. "Don't worry. I'll help you teach these cheaters a lesson." She wrenched Emmett off of me as though he weighed nothing more than a piece of paper, sending him crashing into our spectators. Jasper launched himself into the friendly wrestling match, but the scene disappeared.

The next breath showed me at my piano playing Esme's song while she cleaned her already immaculate house, her face alight with pleasure.

A flash of happier times spent with the Denali clan then, just as quickly, it changed to me sitting in Bella's rocking chair while she slept with whispers of my name on her lips.

The memories were coming faster now. So many that had been eclipsed by the darkness that clung to me now.

Time stopped and I was beside Bella's truck relishing the rush of the run with my beloved. Unfortunately, she didn't share that sentiment. She had her head between her legs in an attempt ease her queasy stomach. To distract her and to prove that I could control myself around her I did something I'd wanted to do all day – I kissed her.

I wanted to draw out this moment. Finally a memory worth seeing. My ghost sat by my side with a content smile on her face. She looked like she was watching some great romance play out on the big screen.

"I was thinking there was something I wanted to try." I took her face into my hands.

I moved slower than…well a human, as I closed the distance, mentally preparing myself for the overwhelming feelings that would undoubtedly surface with my first kiss. I brushed my mouth over hers, just the barest of caresses, but Bella's reaction changed all of that. She knotted her hands in my hair and for a second I let her get carried away because I wanted to be consumed by the passion that was suddenly smoldering between us. Her lips parted just a little and my rational mind kicked in. I couldn't stop her - that I didn't have the strength for - but I no longer kissed her back. It took me longer than I cared to admit to make my hands move and force her away from me.

"Oop," she said a little breathlessly.

"That's an understatement."

"One more, I think," the ghost spoke softly as though she really was at a movie theater and didn't want to disturb the audience.

It wasn't long and drawn out, it didn't have to be. I'd been about to reveal myself to humans by the clock tower in Volterra when my angel was suddenly pulling me back into the alley and out of danger. The realization and pleasure that she was indeed alive was short lived as I realized that Demetri and Felix stood in the shadows and both were wholly fixated on Bella.

The memory didn't have the effect the ghost had been hoping for. "Again I put that fragile woman in harm's way. If not for me, she would never have come to the attention of the Volturi."

"Are you psychic, Edward?" she asked and her voice was no longer comforting, but like a whip of flame. "You do not know how things would have ended up, because you always run away when things get difficult."

"I ran, what choice did I have? I could not fulfill the bargain Alice made with Aro. I could not bear to be responsible for stealing her soul and damning her to suffer the eternal tortures of hell."

In the vision, I held Bella knowing full well that I would have to let her go as soon as we got out of the mess that I'd dragged both of them into. We waited by the front desk, Bella snuggled against me being strangely quiet.

"No, Bella is better off without me in her life," I mumbled, my heart breaking all over again because I knew what I was about to do to her for the second time.

"Truly?" The ghost's question was laced with sarcasm. "Under penalty of death she must be transformed into an eternal being and exist without her soul mate year after long year because you think your absence will what, protect her immortal soul?" Her tone was more Rosalie than Esme now, full of derision. "No, your reasoning is not flawed at all. I can see how your absence benefits her."

She moved away from me, her eyes glittering dangerously. "You've learned nothing and my patience has been exhausted. Perhaps one of my sisters will be more successful in helping you to see the error of your ways."

The warm light that had been such a comfort vanished as though it'd never been leaving me cold and more depressed than I could ever recall being.

The ghost was gone, but she left me with one more memory. My mother's wheezy voice urged me to be strong. She leaned in, her head bowed over mine. "I will make a deal with the devil himself to assure your health, my dear boy. Forgive me the choice I have made. Just know that I do so because the thought of you not existing in this world in some capacity is more than I can endure." My fever was raging, and sweat bubbled on my skin. She mopped it gently with a cool cloth then pressed her lips against my forehead. "Live, Edward. Live for me. Let me leave this world knowing my only child is safe."

I'd huddled in the corner of my unfurnished living room and let the soundless, tearless sobs take me. When I finally got myself under control, the world around me began to intrude. The snow fell so heavily that it was like a cumulus cloud hiding the world from view, but I could still hear the boy next door crying to his older sister who normally delighted in harassing him, but tonight she whispered all the things her brother needed to hear.

Two doors over I heard Cynthia gasp as her lover dropped to one knee and offered her a small engagement ring.

"Marry me?" he asked hesitantly. Did he truly not know what her answer would be? I'd seen the love between them. Even if I couldn't read minds, I would've still known what her answer would be.

Her thoughts were euphoric. She'd given up her family and all the perks that went with being one of the privileged for the man kneeling in front of her. The diamond he held was smaller than even the one she was given as an infant, but happiness wasn't measured in stones or money.

"Yes. Yes. Yes. A million times, yes!"

A ghost stepped out of the kitchen with a turkey drumstick in her hand and a goblet of wine in the other, joy bubbling off of her and filling the room to near bursting. She took a huge bite of the meat, her eyes closed fully savoring the morsel in her mouth. "I do love it when clueless, half-wits need my attention," she said, still chewing her food. Her laughter rang out as she sat down opposite of me crossing her legs like she was meditating and downed the entire contents of her large glass.

She wiped her hand across her mouth and giggled. "I only get to partake in the many delights that are holiday food when I'm called upon to deal with the likes of you." She pointed her turkey drumstick at me as she spoke. "So, I offer you my most sincere thanks for being a class A Idiot."

The glass and turkey leg disappeared and she brushed her hands off on her silver, velvet gown. "Ghost of Christmas Present at your service, Mr. Edward Anthony Cullen." She frowned. "Or do you prefer Masen? Really, you've had so many names, I imagine it doesn't really matter what anyone calls you." She belched softly, then took my hand and shook it forcefully. "Well, my time here is limited; let's not waste another second of it the way you've toiled the last nine months away." She jumped to her feet, pulling me along like I was a little rag doll. "Shall we?"

**A/N: The italicized portion of the first kiss is directly quoted from twilight page 282.**


	3. Chapter 3

**The plotline belongs to Charles Dickens and the rest is Steph Meyer's. I'm just playing in their awesome world.**

**Chapter 3 Ghost of Christmas Present**

The spinning ceased and it took me a moment to get my bearings straight before I recognized that I was nowhere near New York City any longer. It was still cold with a blanket of snow and reminiscent of the many places we'd resided in, but I'd never been there before.

"Come along. Quit your dawdling." The ghost now had a grey - that was nearly white - floor length fur coat on and was motioning me forward animatedly. "Lots to do. Chop, chop!"

We were in a wooded area where four houses were visible with small streams of smoke billowing from their brick chimneys. All of the houses were similar, clearly all a part of one great estate, but they varied in size. The main house could easily fit two houses neatly inside it and the two closest homes were just slightly smaller. The fourth one, which we seemed to be heading for, was small and plain and further from the other dwellings.

My guide spun quickly on her heels dragging me around effortlessly. "Change of plans. Let's save that one," she motioned over her shoulder at the little grey house, "for last."

No sooner had she spoken than we appeared in the Great Room of the main house that sparkled from the massive amount of Christmas lights that outlined the entire structure. I barely noticed the twelve foot, glittering Christmas tree with its pile of presents perfectly positioned underneath, as my eyes were locked on the grand piano that stood at the south end of the room next to the window. My piano. I'd know my piano anywhere. As nice as the one in New York was, it wasn't this one, the one I'd created _her_ song on.

"Carlisle," Esme called from further in the house, "they're on their way over." Her words weren't raised, they didn't have to be – he'd hear her even if she whispered.

The ghost next to me chuckled. "You look like you've seen a ghost." She poked me hard in the side. "I thought seeing your family would please you?"

I tore my gaze from the woman I thought of as a mother. "Why would I want to be reminded of what I am no longer a part of?"

"My, aren't you daft. You could be a part of this again, stupid. All you have to do is show up. They'd welcome you back with open arms."

Carlisle walked human slow down the stairs and swung the door open just as Emmett was about to knock.

"Told you he was gonna get the door," Alice chirped, tapping her head knowingly. She pushed past everyone, her arms full of gifts expertly wrapped. "Merry Christmas!"

The rest filed in – Jasper, Rose, Emmett…and my stomach dropped. Bella, no longer human, walked in hand and hand with Jacob Black. They each carried a bag of presents which they handed to Carlisle before crossing the floor only inches from where I stood and embraced Esme.

Hell, I could even smell her delicious scent, though it was slightly different now that she'd been transformed.

"Well, well, well. Now I see what all the fuss is about," the ghost snickered. She tossed her coat aside and sat down on the arm of the couch, a plate of glazed ham with pineapples and cherries perched on her lap. "She is a looker. You're even dumber than I thought." She shook her head then shoved a forkful of ham into her mouth, chewing loudly. Reminded me of the cafeteria at Forks. Human eating habits were utterly repulsive.

I ignored her as best I could and instead drank in the sight of my love. She'd never appreciated her beauty as a human, but surely now, when she looked in the mirror, she had to see what had always been so painfully apparent to me – that she was stunning.

Jacob leaned in and kissed her softly against her temple while tucking a wayward strand of her hair behind her ear. She smiled warmly up at him.

"Scooch over." Jake practically picked her up then set her down on his lap so Alice and Jasper could squeeze onto the other couch.

So, she had moved on. Knowing it was what was best for her didn't make it any easier to watch.

"Best for her?" the ghost inquired loudly and I half expected it to interrupt the scene unfolding in front of us.

"Get out of my head," I snapped, finally appreciating how irksome my gift must have been for my vampire family to endure day in and day out.

"Don't change the subject. I'm just trying figure out your logic."

I threw up my hands. Talking to her was like dealing with an ape. "Don't bother. It's not like it's any of your concern, is it?"

"My, you are thick." She slapped me upside my head leaving a hint of ham glaze in my hair.

"Have you no manners?" I snapped.

"Have you no brains?" she retorted. She poked me in the chest. "I have a job to do and I'm bloody well going to do it, so if I say that understanding your absurd thought process is important, then it is!"

She smoothed down her dress and cleared her throat. "Now, you left to keep her safe. So she wouldn't become a monster, yes? Yet, there she stands as dead as you are. The only difference is that she's with a werewolf instead of a vampire."

I frowned at her. "Jake's a werewolf?" When the hell had that happened? Leave it to Bella to find a replacement monster to run with. But did she have to choose a disgusting dog?

"Does it matter? What matters is that your leaving her changed nothing except the man holding her hand. It could have been you, should have been you, but -"

"Do you think it would be possible for you to be quiet so I can hear what they're saying?" I interrupted.

"Well, I never...," she began but trailed off at the look I gave her before I returned my attention to my family.

Esme handed Jacob a mug of dark beer and offered him an array of food.

"You better eat up. Esme's made enough to feed a small army," Carlisle commented softly, but it was enough to distract the two of us from our quarrel. Something in his eyes betrayed his emotions. He smiled like he should, but he was clearly bothered by something. Unfortunately, my powers were useless in this ghostly world.

A pile of presents landed on Bella's lap as Alice's musical laughter filled the room. "Open mine first."

"Which one's yours?"

Alice scoffed. "All of them, silly."

She looked like she might argue for a second, then her face smoothed out and a lazy smile brightened her face. "Jasper," she rebuked. "That's just not fair." But under his influence she didn't really care. She opened one after another doing the proper amount of oohing and ahhing over each unnecessary trinket.

"My turn," Jake announced. The whole room froze. Jake slid out from under Bella and walked across the room to his jacket before crossing back and dropping down to one knee.

No!

Bella stared open mouthed, eyes wide with panic, as Jake opened up a sapphire blue ring box. "Bells."

She was shaking her head back and forth. Apparently she'd broken free of Jasper's power or he'd been so intent on the drama unfolding before him that he'd lost focus, because she was behaving in a very Bella way. "Please don't." It was the barest of whispers, but everyone, including the dog, could hear her.

Jacob, however, was undaunted by her negative response. "It's always been you, Bells. You're it for me." He slid the ring out of the box – a nice single carat, princess cut stone – and offered it up to her. "Marry me?"

Bella moved in a blur, not far, just behind the couch looking as frightened as a cornered animal. Her gaze fell on my piano and her face was stricken.

Carlisle's phone rang and nearly everyone jumped slightly which was unusual for vampires and I would have found it humorous if I wasn't feeling so guilty for still causing Bella pain. Though I'd been out of her life for close to a year now, the look on her face as she stared at my piano told me she hadn't gotten over my betrayal, hadn't moved on as much as I both hoped and feared she would.

The ghost poked me again and pointed at Carlisle. His one-sided conversation offered very little insight and he'd turned his back so I couldn't examine his facial expressions. When he flipped his phone closed he let out a long sigh before turning to face the family.

"It seems our holiday plans are going to include the Volturi."

"What?" Esme gasped.

"Come," the ghost commanded.

"No, I need-"

"Uh, uh, uh. You are no longer a part of this family. This does not concern you. When you left Bella in Volterra nine months ago you washed your hands of this mess."

She jerked me hard and I landed on an icy sidewalk nowhere near the house I'd just been in.

"Take me back!"

"No, I will not!" her shrill voice echoed through the cold night. "That memory has already served its purpose. There are other, more pressing things happening that you need to be aware of." Her monstrous fur coat appeared and she put it on before saying, "Now watch."

On the door step of the Victorian house was a teal blue wrapped box. A man had just opened the door and smiled when he caught sight of it. "Angie," he muttered under his breath shooting a look around into the night fully expecting to see Angie hiding amongst the shrubbery. He pulled the ribbon loose and flipped the lid off.

The box flew through the air as a strangled cry filled the night. Neighbors all around flicked lights on and pushed drapes aside to see what all the commotion was. Unfortunately, the commotion just happened to be lying at my feet. The severed head of a thirty-something blond woman stared lifelessly up at me.

I grabbed a handful of her coat. "What is the meaning of this?"

"And you think you have things bad?" She pointed and the macabre scene disappeared and was replaced by a man whistling as he strung up the last of his decorations. Tattoos swirled in various designs across his shaved head and when he turned in our direction, his head cocked like an animal as he listened intently for something, I noticed his crimson eyes. Worse, I noticed his crimson hands. They were dripping blood. So were the decorations.

"What the…?"

Jane stepped out from behind the only other building close by, her eyes narrowed on him intent on causing much pain, but he did not fall to the floor writhing in pain the way I had in Volterra when I'd been unlucky enough to fall prey to her tortuous delights. With a snarl and a small salute he took off like a bat out of hell with the might of the Volturi following close behind.

I started to follow, but my escort pulled me back. "So, what now? Let's see…" she tapped her nail against her chin in deep thought then clapped her hands excitedly not at all troubled by the grisly vision we'd just witnessed. "Let's go visit Charlie!"

Charlie knelt in front of headstone using his thick gloved hands to wipe off the snow from its surface. "Merry Christmas, Bells," he murmured as he set down a bundle of red poinsettias on the hardened ground at the base of the stone. His whole body shook as it was wracked with the silent tears of a man too proud to cry.

I walked forward knowing there was nothing I could do to lessen his pain, but still needing to. I placed my hand on his shoulder and stared down at Bella's name. "I never wanted this…any of this. This was precisely why I left. Look at what my intrusion in her life has caused."

The ghost pursed her lips at me. "My sister was right; you really do try one's patience."

Charlie got to his feet shakily. "Love you, Bells."

"Listen up, buster. Knowing Bella's penchant for attracting trouble and monsters, this was pretty much guaranteed," she hissed quietly as though afraid of disturbing Charlie. "She was supposed to die that day in the parking lot, but you intervened. You bought her more time, but this," she pointed at the headstone, "was inevitable." She shook her head and swore softly under her breath. "Why can't you see that she had a better chance of escaping death with you by her side than without? Even she knew it. Perhaps, that is why her "second best" is a werewolf?"

"You're wrong. If I'd been strong enough to leave the day we met-"

"She'd have been squished by Tyler's car." I started to reply but she cut me off. "Fine, let's say that you're right. Explain to me how Bella is now better off? "

But I didn't have an answer. I'd been trying to protect more than her life; I'd been trying to protect her soul, but it had been all for nothing. Bella was a soulless monster, just like I was.

The silence of the empty cemetery stretched interminably. The ghost finally broke it when she took a long swill of mead. "Not ready to see truth yet, I see? Well," she laughed heartily, "you will. One way or the other, Edward, you will." She leaned in. "A word of advice, dearie, my other sister is a little…grumpy. Do try not to piss her off. She can be just a smidge unstable."

"Wait," I shouted. She'd almost blinked out of existence, but solidified in front of me again. "You said we'd save the little house for later," I reminded her. I was desperate for another vision of Bella and terrified of what evils the next ghost would dream up to torture me with.

She winked at me. "Ah, so I did." She closed her eyes for several minutes. "Yes, I do believe you should see what is happening in that small house right now. Shall we?"

And we did. Just like that I was in a homey living room that screamed Bella just as I knew it would. Jake paced back and forth his hand running through his hair every so often. "Just come out already so we can talk about this," he yelled in frustration toward the back of the house.

I slipped by him and found Bella tucked away in the bottom of her closet a myriad of pictures and mementoes spread out before her. The pictures I'd placed under her floorboards along with the CD stared up at me from under her trembling hands. "You lied," she choked out. "It never gets easier. Never goes away. I see you all the time. Hear your voice in my head incessantly." She flung the CD aside smashing it into a multitude of pieces. Bella's mouth fell open in horror as the mirror-like shards sparkled up at her. "No, no, no," she cried trying in vain to piece it back together.

"Bells!" Jake pounded on the door. "I swear to god I'm gonna break this damn door down if you don't let me in."

I reached for Bella, shocked to feel tears streaming down my face. "Time to go now. I think we've intruded enough. Besides, I believe I might have been a smidge overzealous in my holiday eating." She covered her mouth to muffle a burp. "Up you get. You don't want to keep my sister waiting. Talk about getting off on the wrong foot. No, that wouldn't do you any good," she muttered continuously as she took my hand and the next moment I was very much alone in my quiet apartment with Bella's scent swimming all over me. I wiped my face, but there wasn't a single tear on my cheek.


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: The plotline belongs to Charles Dickens and the rest is Steph Meyer's. I'm just playing in their awesome world.**

**Chapter 4 Christmas Yet to Come**

I set the phone back down for the tenth time and stared morosely out the frosted window watching the snow fall hypnotically. I'd sworn that I would never bother Bella again, vowed to let her live her life without my interference, and now, because of one uncouth ghost, I was inches from breaking that vow.

Was it wrong that I was both pleased and torn up that Bella still thought about me to such a degree, that she hadn't moved on any more than I had? Instead of a bevy of nameless lovers she had one, but she felt no more for him than I did for the women I bedded.

No, I had to push all thoughts of her out of my mind. It never led to anything good. The last time I'd had a sliver of hope for us, I'd had it whisked away by Alice agreeing to turn Bella. That had been the darkest moment of my existence.

I pushed the phone away certain in my decision to refrain from contacting my family.

The power flicked off leaving the darkened room aglow by my computer screen and then even it blanked out which shouldn't have happened since it did have a battery.

I could hear the crackling sound of ice forming a thick coating across the window keeping even the dark night sky from filtering through.

I sat back down on the couch and crossed one ankle across my knee and waited for the last of my otherworldly visitors to reveal herself. "You guys really do have a flair for dramatics," I said to my hidden visitor.

The fire in the fireplace roared to life and just as quickly snuffed itself out. From the smoke a woman clad in a long, leather coat formed, her ghostly pale skin the only thing shining in a sea of darkness. Her mane of hair was barely perceptible even to my vampire eyes as it seemed made of the very darkness itself.

She looked down her straight nose, arrogance a cloak around her, and motioned me forward.

"What, no introductions?"

"To what point, Vampire? For the next few hours you are under my dominion. Do captors often make introductions? I see no point in such trivial niceties."

She drew one hand from her pocket holding a black cigarette with a gold band and raised it to her dark lips. When she exhaled, everything vanished. Time lost all meaning as I plummeted through space. There was nothing to see or hear and it felt like days had passed when I finally crashed into frozen earth outside of a decrepit house. I managed to get to my feet and immediately recognized the house of an elderly couple. I was back in Forks.

Amongst the holiday decorations, hung… "No," I whispered mortified and stumbled closer. But wishing didn't make it any less vile. Intestines were strung up from one end of the porch to the other right along side of the multicolored Christmas lights.

Several squad cars pulled up and Charlie was the first one to the porch.

He took some calming breaths, but no amount of deep breathing was going to make that scene any more bearable. I had to hand it to them, they pulled themselves together and began processing the crime scene.

My chaperone, or captor as she called it, seemed to have disappeared, so I used the time to search for clues, but I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt what had done this. I hadn't realized what the vampire in my last vision had been doing while whistling so happily, but he'd been decorating another house with his victim's entrails.

Seemed likely that one who'd go to such lengths would stay to watch the show. I searched the nearby woods, but there wasn't even a hint of him.

Charlie was getting back in his cruiser when I saw the vampire standing but feet from where he was parked inhaling his scent the same way I'd done with Bella. But I'd been trying to get used to her. This thing was memorizing Charlie's smell and the only reason he'd bother was if he planned on hunting him.

I started to chase after them, but the ghost's blackened fingernails were suddenly embedded all the way to my bone as she yanked me from that place only to drop me off at the local cemetery.

"Please," I scoffed as I glanced at my surroundings. I was not Scrooge. I did not fear death any longer, in fact, I almost wished for it. "Death would be a sweet respite for me," I sneered thinking she meant to show me my grave to threaten me into submission the way Ebenezer had been, but I couldn't have been more wrong.

She smiled, and it was a smile that left you with the feeling of worms and other creatures crawling over you. "You are quite right, Vampire. You do not fear your own death, but there are others that you care for…humans that you would mourn." She pointed and the headstone lit up showing Charlie Swan's name etched into the cold granite with a date of death of Christmas 2009.

Her decaying hands grabbed my hair and forced me to look into her opaque eyes, eyes that resembled dead fish more than anything human, and she said, "You could stop this, but it would mean crossing paths with your family. Would you allow an innocent woman to be hacked to pieces and wrapped up in a pretty box? The old couple that you passed by on your way to school each day…does their death mean nothing to you? Could you truly stand by and let Isabella's father be hunted down by the same loathsome creature that has murdered hundreds of nameless humans?"

I'd have answered her, but darkness swallowed me and when the light chased it away, my Bella was in a crumpled heap on the floor, Jacob and Alice by her side. The only tears flowed from Jacob, but the others were crying inside, their shoulders shaking with the weight of their emotions.

"There is still time to avert this tragedy. Unless…" she trailed off walking closer and closer to Bella studying her pained expression. "You do nothing and you will get your wish. This woman will grow to hate you more each day. She will learn that a vampire was to blame and rationally or not, she will link that to you." She gave me a hard look, a cruel smile on her lips as she spoke her next words in a voice that sounded very much like Bella's, "If not for you, her father would be alive because the Cullens would have been there to protect him. No one would have had to leave Forks. It was, after all, on your order that they all packed up and left the town defenseless," she spoke, her voice full of satisfaction, but at least it was her voice and not Bella's any longer.

Her words hit me like Emmett running at full speed. Was I truly to blame for all of this? Could it have all been averted if I'd just stayed in Forks and agreed to change Bella? I was lost in thought, my head shaking back and forth slowly as I examined different scenarios. "No. Carlisle was already supposed to be much older than he appeared. We would have had to move on eventually."

"I'm not saying it is truth, just that this is what she will tell herself each night before she lies down with that boy, lets him wrap her in his warmth chasing away all thoughts of you." She grasped my chin, her nails digging in. "You'd be free of her. She will finally be able to do what you wanted her to do – move on. Do nothing and this will happen, intervene and it could be your arms enveloping her each night."

Whatever she saw in my eyes irritated her, fore she flung me aside. "I watched you," she whispered, her back to me, "as you picked up the phone to call her. I waited in the shadows hoping that my sisters had made you see the error of your ways, hoping I wouldn't need to get involved, but in the end you hung up the phone, coward that you are."

"Your words are nothing but lies," I spoke softly, tearing my eyes from Bella and facing my ghostly companion. "The Volturi are here, they will dole out justice."

"Not before he kills that couple…before he feeds on your love's father, guts him like a pig, and delivers his head to Renee," she countered.

"How am I expected to get all the way across the country in time to save Charlie? And besides, last I saw, the Volturi were closing in on him. You think they will fail to bring him to justice? And if they do, how will I manage what they cannot? You're insane."

When she turned back her skin was rotting away leaving part of her high cheek bone peeking through, which glinted in the moonlight.

I recoiled at the sight of her. "What is happening to you?"

"My time is ending. I am being unmade," she replied simply. The wind blew and clumps of her hair floated on it before landing at my feet.

Her voice was distorted as the decaying process hastened. "You can do what the Volturi cannot because you know where he will strike. They have lost track of him. Their powers do not work on him, as you already witnessed. He possesses something very much like your Isabella. He is a shield of great magnitude."

"Shit!"

"Indeed," she mumbled as part of her mouth began to droop away. "You will not be able to read his mind, but we have aided you enough that you could destroy him and save a few lives in the process."

She placed the rotting flesh of her hand against my cheek. "These murders…they give you the perfect excuse to find your way back to your family. I do hope you make some good come of this creature's mess."

Bella whispered my name against Alice's shoulder. "Where is he, Alice? I need him."

"I'm coming, Bella." The words were barely spoken and I was thrust back into my living room. Racing through the room at full vampire speed, I gathered up everything I'd need to travel across the country and face down an adversary that even the might of the Volturi seemed unable to destroy.


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: The plotline belongs to Charles Dickens and the rest is Steph Meyer's. I'm just playing in their awesome world.**

**Chapter 5 December 25**

I was too late to help the woman; I'd carry that failure with me forever, but there wasn't a second to spare. I could wallow in guilt later; right now I had to get back to Forks to save the lives of three humans that had somehow gotten caught in the web of a psychotic vampire.

What I'd do once I was face to face with the monster I hadn't exactly thought through; I just knew that I had to do whatever it took to keep Charlie alive. Bella would live through my death, but the death of her father…it would break her.

I tried to stay in the shadows as much as possible as I raced to the elderly couple's house, but the sun was out in all its glory this morning. The snow covered ground just reflected it all the more adding insult to injury and left me sparkling more than any Tiffany diamond ever had.

I hunkered down in a tattered shed close to the house and listened to their Christmas morning festivities. Much to my relief, there would be no family stopping by this year. Their children and grandchildren thought a week away in a European country was far more exciting than spending what could very well be this couple's last Christmas, at the family home. A part of me was sad for them, but it made things much easier for me.

The sky began to darken with the first hint of night though it was barely four in the afternoon. As the last of the sun's rays sank behind the horizon, the vampire damn near materialized right outside their door. The beast was already on their porch and I never even heard him, let alone noticed his scent. Apparently he could shield everything, not just vampiric powers.

The sound of my rumbling snarl sent him into action. He may have been caught off guard, but he wasn't fleeing. No, he sprang at me, his hands splayed wide as he swiped them past me.

I rolled left only just escaping injury. He was faster than anything I'd ever encountered and the fact that he was bloated on human blood gave him an edge over me.

"You shouldn't have come here," I mentioned as I scrambled out of his reach.

His eyes glazed over and he swayed. No idea what was up with that, but it seemed like a good time to strike. I lunged at him, but at the last second he sprinted into action and his sharp teeth tore at my throat, venom trailing from the wound like blood soaking my shirt.

"You are not one of the others." He said _others_ like it should be capitalized. I knew he was referring to the Volturi. Was it possible that this one feral vampire could take out the host of Volturi guards that I'd seen tracking him in my vision?

"Nope, just your average run of the mill friendly vampire that has a penchant for saving the day. I guess I'm like the Spiderman of vampires," I joked.

But while I'd been talking he'd stalked closer. "I do not think you will be as lucky as the comic book hero you liken yourself to." He laughed high and cold. "And they say I'm deranged." He roared and was on me, his hands tearing into my flesh, his teeth gnawing at my shoulder as we rolled over the embankment into the woods.

For every handful of flesh I pulled from him, he tore two more from me, but I couldn't stop. I had to make sure he couldn't continue his serial plague.

Even as I fought him with every ounce of strength I possessed, I imagined what Bella's reaction would be upon hearing of my demise. Naturally, she would struggle at first, but she had good ol' Jacob by her side like an ever faithful golden retriever. He would take care of her and eventually…maybe they'd get married. That thought pained me more than my flesh being ripped from me as our fight continued.

The sound of my body slamming into the tree knocking it to the ground was deafening. Now probably wasn't the best time to be imagining my love marrying someone else, I thought as I got to my feet, my body quivering from the damage he'd inflicted on me. All of my attention needed to be on the crazed vampire bearing down on me with a near gleeful look in his red eyes.

If I died here, then this vamp would be free to kill Charlie and many more. Now that he knew that the people of Forks were important to another vampire, he would undoubtedly seek to gorge on their blood wiping this town out in a matter of days.

He pounced on me like some great cat pinning me to the frigid earth.

"Too easy," he gloated while his hands tore at my chest. I managed to get my feet underneath me and pushed off the ground forcing his back into a boulder and sunk my teeth into his throat. He tossed me away easily enough, but I took a huge chunk of him with me.

"Another time, then," he promised with a salute and bound out of sight before I had a chance to comprehend his words.

I should've followed him, but as damaged as I was, I needed to feed.

While deer was in no way a delicacy, it would do in a pinch and the woods surrounding me were teeming with them. It took me minutes to find a heard of them, but the ringer on my phone frightened them away."Damn it all to hell," I grumbled while reading the name. "Alice."

I hit the button and talked to my sister for the first time since Volterra. I'd made it clear that I wanted nothing more to do with the little back stabber but my wishes didn't seem to matter to her all that much.

"What?" I growled not so much because I was mad, but because my throat was mostly torn out.

"Seems like you've gotten yourself into a pickle, dear brother of mine," she chirped, but I could hear the worry in her voice. She'd had a vision. Of course she had.

"Indeed. Your point?"

"Testy, testy. I see your demeanor hasn't improved."

I groaned. There wasn't time for this pointless chit chat. "I'm assuming you caught the highlights of what I'm dealing with here." I waited long enough to make some sort of noise that should pass for confirmation. "Then you'll understand that I'm just a little bit busy at the moment."

"Fine, you grump. Emmett and Jazz are on their way. Should be in Forks in an hour. And…oh, looks like the Volturi are even closer."

"The guys shouldn't have come," I mumbled not knowing how to feel about possibly seeing my brothers again.

She sighed. I seemed to cause that reaction in my family a lot. "Honestly, Edward, what will it take to make you see that we love you, that you're our family and we'd do anything to protect you?"

I'd moved silently through the trees closing in on the deer that had eluded me once already and lowered my voice. "How is _she_?" Not like I didn't already have some idea as I'd had ring side seats to her marriage proposal and her subsequent breakdown in the closet of her small house, but it would have seemed odd if I hadn't at least asked about her. Also, there was a part of me that wasn't entirely convinced that the three ghosts I'd seen had in fact visited me nor that the things that they'd shown me were real.

The silence that met that question was excruciating. I knew she'd answer eventually, but I think she was purposely trying to draw it out just to make me suffer. Evil little pixie.

"I've had a vision of you standing over Charlie's grave, Edward. How do you think she is?"

I felt like I'd been bowled over by Emmett. "My coming here didn't change anything? He's still going to die?"

"And how do you know about Charlie? Are you some kind of psychic now?" She sounded genuinely peeved at the notion that my powers might have grown and that I might have a talent similar to hers.

"Not exactly, but now's not really the time to discuss this. I need to hunt so I can get back on his trail...if there is a trail, which I doubt since he seems to be able to shield everything."

"I had the vision hours ago, Edward." When she spoke again she sounded angry. "Now, I can't see a damn thing because those La Push wolves must have gotten involved so I can't tell you whether or not your actions have changed anything."

"La Push wolves?"

She gave me a quick rundown of the pack.

"Gotta go, Alice." I hit the button and darted after the closest deer meanwhile thinking that between the unlikely alliance of the Volturi, me and my family, and the wolves, maybe just maybe we'd be able to take this bastard down.

I knew one thing for certain, the La Push wolves would give their lives to protect Charlie from a vampire and that his odds of survival had just increased tenfold.

Since I couldn't track the vampire, I tracked Charlie instead. I'd forgotten that he had just a hint of Bella's aroma. I found it revolting and at the same time comforting. I could feel the wolves prowling around, but so far they'd kept out of sight. I had to admit, I was a bit curious to see them in their animal form. They were technically breaking the treaty by being here when another Cullen was here, but I wasn't about to quibble. As long as they weren't trying to eat me, we'd get along just fine.

The police scanner crackled to life leaving me feeling like I'd been plunged into a sea of ice water.

Charlie and the rest of the on duty deputies raced to their cars their sirens wailing. He'd gone back for the elderly couple. While I'd been here watching over Charlie, I'd cleared the way for that monster to kill and violate their frail bodies.

We took off after them. I, unfortunately, knew what I was about to see. The mutts at my heels, on the other hand, had no clue; if they did maybe they wouldn't be in such a hurry to get there. It wasn't like there was anything left of the couple to save.

I broke off from the group and hid in the direction I thought he'd appeared from in my vision. This could get messy quick and I was hoping to strike quickly enough that the police never even noticed that two vampires had been in their midst.

Hell, if Charlie recognized me, he'd probably try to shoot me himself. He blamed me for Bella's death and he wasn't wrong. I might not have been the one to transform her, thus ending her human life, but I'd certainly put the event in motion. All Charlie knew was that she'd taken off for Italy to save me and never returned.

They were packing up, several deputies had already left the scene and as he had before, the vampire was just there by the trunk of Charlie's cruiser. He glanced back in my direction like he knew I was there and we both sprung into action at the same time.

He hit Charlie hard in the back, his teeth slicing through his flesh like a knife through warm butter, but I was able to wrench him off of him and force him back. The wolves surrounded us. And wolves…well, they were beasts the like of which I'd never seen before. I'd never actually been around them in their wolfy form, but believe me it was a sight. The damn things were tall as horses with really big teeth. Intimidating teeth! They made everyone feel like Little Red Riding Hood.

From the corner of my eye I noticed the many dark cloaks of the Volturi, but one second of distraction was likely to cost me my life and I found that now that I'd talked to Alice and my brothers were on their way, that I couldn't wait to see them, but mostly I couldn't wait to try and right the wrongs I'd done to Bella.

Demetri and Felix jumped over the ring of wolves that stood guard over Charlie's writhing body; the vampire venom working its way through his veins. Bella was going to freaking kill me when I brought home her vampire daddy. Not to mention it couldn't possibly be a good thing to give a man, who wanted nothing more than my death, vampire powers and the strength to actually tear me apart limb from limb.

The vampire's sharp nails gutted me and I collapsed at its feet, but Demetri and Felix were on it. One of the wolves, the smallest one, broke ranks and grabbed my arm gingerly in its muzzle and dragged me away from the battle as more Volturi members joined the fray.

"Son of a bitch, you got your ass kicked," Emmett hollered before flinging himself into the mass of vampires. There were more Volturi guards lying in ruins on the slushy ground, but in the end they finally succeeded in doing what I could not.

Aro towered over me, blotting out the moon behind him. He clapped his hands. "Do you not just love a happy ending, Edward?"

Jasper and Emmet were at my side immediately looking a little worse for the wear, but they had only been fighting that homicidal maniac for a couple of minutes. I kept telling myself they'd be in much worse shape than I presently was had they been stupid enough to fight the thing on their own.

"We'll take care of him, sir," Jasper stated while Emmet helped me up.

"Man bro, you need to feed."

"Yes, he does. And we have just the delicious morsel for him. Come, Edward," Aro offered, "we'll take very good care of you while you mend."

Charlie let out a god awful shriek and Aro laughed, his eyes glinting with mirth. "How delightful, now your young Isabella can keep her father in her life. Heidi, Renata, see to Mr. Swan."

"No!" I screamed.

"Your brothers have their hands full with your fearsome wounds, Edward. It is the least we can do to repay you for your help in this little matter. Our young friend has been a most naughty vampire. He has slaughtered hundreds of you precious humans in one short month. He had to be stopped, but he turned out to be slipperier than we could have ever imagined. Without your help and…" he turned and looked at the wolves that were growling and bearing their teeth at Heidi and Renata, "…and your pets…well, goodness knows how many more helpless humans would have died."

"You cannot take Charlie," I declared though why I bothered was beyond me. He'd do what he wanted in the end, it was Aro's way.

"I believe you will find that I can and I will."

His guards moved in protecting Aro from the wolves as Sam changed back into human form standing naturally tan and buck naked before vampire royalty.

Aro's eyes took in the nude man standing before him without an ounce of fear. "Oh, how exciting. Now we can have an intelligent conversation, Mongrel."

"There will be no discussion, Leech. Charlie is our responsibility and we will see to him."

"I am fairly certain Charlie is now your mortal enemy and my brethren; therefore, he is my responsibility," Aro replied coldly. I could see the amusement leak out of his eyes as he stared down at the beasts that he and his Volturi had nearly driven to extinction.

"We can coexist. Jacob and Bella manage it. For Charlie, so will we. He is engaged to Sue Clearwater who is the mother of two of our wolves."

The black Mercedes pulled up and Carlisle, Alice, Esme, and Bella spilled out of it. Her eyes fell on me for a heartbeat and then all of her attention was on her father while Carlisle took it upon himself to talk some sense into Aro.

"Why can't I hear their thoughts?" I asked Jasper.

"Bella's probably shielding everyone's from you," he replied giving my arm a firm tug in the opposite direction. "Come on," Jasper ordered. "You need to hunt."

When I revisited Emmet punched me on the arm. "She's too preoccupied right now, Eddie-boy. She won't even miss you." His mouth fell open as he realized how hurtful his statement was, but it was the truth and often the truth hurt.

I allowed them to guide me toward the woods knowing that Carlisle would make everything better and Charlie would be in good hands. But would Bella ever be able to forgive me for failing Charlie?

**Reviews are like Christmas presents – always appreciated.**

**Merry Christmas…or Happy Holidays if you don't celebrate Xmas.**


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: The plotline belongs to Charles Dickens and the rest is Steph Meyer's. I'm just playing in their awesome world.**

**Chapter 6 He Who Seeks Forgiveness**

Alice and Jasper had been kind enough to offer me their house temporarily providing me with plenty of space to sort through the many emotions swirling within me. The stricken image of my beloved's face still haunted me. There wasn't anything I wouldn't do to erase the pain from her crimson eyes, but so far she was too busy watching over Charlie to bother with me. Not that I blamed her; it was my fault that Charlie was suffering through his third day of his transformation. In a few more hours he would awaken as one of us, just a little more bloodthirsty. It would probably be best all around if I stayed out of his sight for the time being.

The Volturi were still in the states, too. They'd rented out the biggest hunting lodge twenty minutes to the east of our estate and Aro had stayed by Bella's side offering her comfort that should have come from me. But Esme had taken a very firm stance and told me to give Bella space, that she would come to me when she was ready.

I don't know what kind of welcome I thought I would receive…but this? Utter exclusion? No, I hadn't truly expected such coldness from my family. Even when I'd left for years and lived off the blood of humans, Carlisle and Esme had taken me back into their life with smiles on their faces and warmth in their hearts. Things couldn't be more different today. No one had been by since Jasper offered me the house.

I grabbed the battered copy of Wuthering Heights that I'd found stuffed between a toaster that had probably never been used and a coffee maker that was as pristine as the day it came out of the box. It had to be Bella's because Alice wouldn't waste time reading it when she could be pouring over the latest fashion magazine.

With a click of a remote, music filled the room and I settled into the plush couch to read a book that I knew inside and out in another vain attempt to feel closer to _her_.

The door opened and closed softly and I marked my page - three chapters until the end - and set it aside. By the void of thoughts, I knew it must be Bella. I drew in a breath and my whole body reacted to the scent of her. Pushing all those feelings aside, I managed to be in control of myself by the time she entered the room.

The world could've ended right then and I wouldn't have been aware. All I saw was Bella as beautiful today as the first time I laid eyes on her and it took everything in me not to cross the room and take her into my arms, but she wasn't mine in that way anymore. I'd given up the right to embrace her whenever the urge struck.

She just continued to stare at me like I wasn't real, sort of the way kids do at museum exhibits.

When I got to my feet, she flinched like a wax figure had come to life before her eyes. The smell of her fear was intoxicating, but the idea that Bella was afraid of me was enough to silence the monstrous part of me that had been excited by her panic.

"How's Charlie?" I finally managed. Not exactly what I'd planned to say the first time I saw her, but I suddenly didn't know how to be around her. I'd always felt so comfortable with her. It had really been a problem the first few times I'd interacted with her. Too many times I'd blurted out things that a vampire had no business saying to a human and now I could barely manage two words.

She frowned and took a few more tentative steps into the room. "He's a vampire," she replied flatly. I could feel the reprimand in her words.

"I'm sor-"

"Stop. The last thing I want to hear from you is that you're sorry, Edward. It doesn't change anything. It won't give Charlie back his humanity, will it?" I shook my head not knowing what to say or do. She was clearly agitated, but I had a feeling that I could no longer be a source of solace to her. No, that position was currently filled – by a dog.

She sighed and fell heavily into the chair nearest to her, her forehead resting in one hand looking very human and very exhausted.

I stood rooted to the spot and waited for her speak. So many things I'd wanted to say. Even though I never planned on running back to her, I'd still dreamt of how it would play out. In each scenario, I'd had the perfect words that moved her and had her in my arms within seconds. I could see that I'd been living in a fantasy world.

"Do you know how many times I hoped you would come back?" she began quietly, still not making eye contact. "When I was human…the nightmares I had." She flung her hand aside and showed me the resentment in her eyes. "I hated myself for being so weak. A boy breaks up with me and I suddenly can't function? Pathetic, right?" She shook her head and stared out the side window watching the snow fall silently.

"But I'd have forgiven you in a heartbeat, Edward. All the pain you caused me…it wouldn't have matter."

She quit talking and I ached to hear her musical voice again.

"I sense a "but" coming," I prompted.

She stared at me, her gaze unwavering, "_But_, that was before Volterra."

For a few seconds, as that statement washed over me, I couldn't breathe. Stupid, stupid, stupid. I'd known that she would never be able to forgive me. What on Earth had possessed me to listen to three Christmas Ghosts and my deceased mother's spirit? I may not have been really living back in New York, but it was more than I had right at this moment. Believing Bella would reject me was way different than hearing her utter the words.

"I shouldn't have come. I'm sorry to put you through more…grief. I'll go."

"No, you'll stay and hear me out. It's the least you can do. I recall standing in the dark woods listening to you tell me how you didn't want me or love me and that vampires are easily distracted, so you can bloody well stand to show me the same courtesy."

I tried not to smile because I knew she hadn't meant it to be cute, but Bella had always had a bit of a temper. Usually it was reserved for Mike or Charlie, but I'd certainly been on the receiving end of it a time or two.

"By all means."

She glowered at me sensing my amusement and getting all the angrier for it.

"Sit," she motioned to the couch, her eyes falling on the book I'd been reading causing her brows to furrow even more.

"You can't know what I gave up to rescue you from Volterra. My father was mourning one of his best friends when I boarded a plane and never returned. Have you any idea what that must have been like for him? For me? And for what? For you to turn around and say that you'd rather see me dead than a vampire?"

"That's not fair-"

"I'm the one doing the talking tonight, Edward." She smoothed a shaky hand down her jeans as she fought for control over her anger.

"I heard every vile thing you said to Alice. You broke her heart, you know that, don't ya? She loved you in a way she never loved another, not even Jasper, and you destroyed her more thoroughly than her human family ever could…or James, for that matter."

I couldn't bear to look at her, the weight of the guilt that her words stirred in me was crippling. The things I'd said to Alice were deplorable, but somehow Alice had managed to forgive me my moment of lunacy. Apparently, Bella hadn't. At least Alice had Bella in her corner. She would always look after her and have her back. Going back to New York would be a little easier knowing that.

"I'd apologize, but like you said, it won't undo the damage my harsh words caused, will it?"

"No. Maybe you should learn to think before you speak," she chided me. Her lip curved up. "Don't worry; I'll give you plenty of time to work on that tonight."

I smiled in response to her, but otherwise kept quiet. See, I was learning.

"Now that wasn't so difficult, was it?" She crossed her legs and seemed lost in her thoughts as her eyes roamed over me like she was trying to burn my image into her mind.

"If you truly knew how much I loved you we wouldn't be in this mess right now," she said her words so full of sorrow I could almost taste her unshed tears on my tongue. "It's funny how completely love can be twisted into something else. Some days I hate you." She closed her eyes her head shaking back and forth slowly. "And other days my heart aches from how full of love it is for you. I prefer the cold hatred. You being here…makes holding on to my hatred nearly impossible. Being a vampire hasn't lessened my attraction to you. Being in the same room as you has the same affect on me as it did when I was human."

I tried to follow her train of thought, but a few minutes ago I'd been certain she was going to send me back to New York and now she was admitting she still loved me. _And hates you, don't forget that part. _

"But I can't just forget that you gave me up twice. Alice keeps telling me how much you love me, but I don't feel it. Your actions belie your words. I don't think I can go through it again."

I was but a breath from losing her. I could feel it all the way to my tainted soul. "Name it. Tell me what I can do to prove to you how much I love you. Please." I'd crossed the room and knelt before her clutching her hand like a drowning man reaching for a life preserver. "I know I don't deserve a third chance, but I swear to you on all that is good, that I will never betray you again. That I will spend the rest of my eternal days loving you the way you should be loved."

I felt her hand smooth my hair back and forced my eyes to hers. Such anguish. And I was the cause of most of it. "I'm not the same person I was when we were together, Edward. I," she bit her lower lip before continuing, "moved on after you left me in Volterra. Once I was in control of my bloodlust…well, Jacob Black and I started seeing each other."

She pushed me aside and crossed the room. "I waited for you. Dammit, I did. My life was with you. Some parts of me…were only for you, but you never came back." She turned back, her face angrier than ever and something else…embarrassed. It was harder to tell now that she was a vampire because that lovely tell-tale blush no longer gave it away, but she was embarrassed. "I wanted it to be you, it was supposed to be you…but month after month passed and still no sign of you. I kept putting Jake off and it finally became obvious that you weren't ever going to return…I slept with Jake," she finally admitted.

I guess intellectually I'd known that. They'd seemed quite comfortable together and most couples had sex before marriage these days, but hearing her state it so openly was like a physical blow, though I had no room to talk. I'd lost count of the many women I'd been with, and hell, I hadn't even bothered to learn some of their names. What was the point, I'd always imagined Bella's lovely face when I was with them.

"I…" I started to say something I might regret and forced another question out instead, "You love him, then?"

She shrugged. "Yeah." I nodded. This conversation was taking its toll on me. One second I had no hope then she dangled it in front of me only to snatch it away again the way one does when taunting their cat with a string.

"But not the way I love you," she added in a soft whisper. "He proposed to me on Christmas Eve, but I told him no."

I heard Carlisle's thoughts before she noticed his presence. I was already crossing the floor to answer the door leaving her utterly confused when Carlisle knocked on it.

"Edward," he nodded, clasping me firmly on the shoulder as he strode past. "Bella, Charlie's asking for you."

She was by his side in a flash. "Will you stay for…well, I didn't get to say everything I wanted…just don't leave yet, please."

"Bella, I've learned my lesson. I'm not leaving until you ask me to. Go tend to your father and know that I'm sorry I failed to keep him safe."

She pressed her finger against my lips. "Shhh, I said no apologizing."

We stared at each other for a long moment neither aware that Carlisle was no longer in the room with us and all I wanted was to move just a fraction of an inch so I could feel her cold lips pressed against mine, but before I could muster the courage she slid past me and closed the door.


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer: The plotline belongs to Charles Dickens and the rest is Steph Meyer's. I'm just playing in their awesome world.**

**Chapter 7 A Dog, a Leech, and a Heart to Heart**

The door nearly being ripped off its hinges wasn't a shock since his tumultuous thoughts preceded him – loudly. I'd have been able to clearly hear him thinking about turning me into minced dog food from miles and miles away.

I waited for him calmly, though calm was far from what I was feeling. This boy…animal was Bella's boyfriend. She'd slept with him. No, calm was not a word I'd used to describe me at the moment. The mental image of his hands exploring every perfect inch of Bella's body was like acid burning its way through my stomach.

"You have some nerve showing up here, leech," he growled, his whole body trembling from the mental exertion of fighting off his transformation. New werewolves were notoriously unpredictable and lacked all sense of control, so I was surprised that, in his rage, he could keep his human form, especially near one of his mortal enemies.

"I have as much right to be here as you do, Jacob Black. More, even, as I am family and you are merely…the family pet?"

The smile he shot me was a thing of pure hate. And the cause of that sinister smile was nearly enough to knock me on my ass. As plain as day, I could see Jake and Bella together in the throes of passion.

"I think it's safe to say I'm very important to Bella." He wasn't censoring anything which was incredibly uncomfortable since I'd never seen Bella in such a state of undress. I was torn. The gentleman in me abhorred this violation to her privacy while the man in me wanted to linger over every curve of her soft, pale flesh while imaging my hands in place of the tanned hands bringing her such pleasure.

"Haven't you hurt her enough, you prick?" he asked still smiling over the pain his memories were causing me.

"Bella has asked me to stay." I held up my head cutting him off before his words caught up with his thoughts. "Temporarily. She just wants to talk. And then…well, that will be for her to decide. I know you do not want to hear this, but I am not strong enough to leave her again. Not on my own. If she asks me to go then I will, but until she utters those words I'm going to stay right here."

"Good to know Bella has some sense when it comes to you now." He stalked closer and it was hard to remember that he was only sixteen years old for he looked every bit of twenty-five. "If you hurt her, you fucking bloodsucker, nothing…no one will be able to stop me from tearing you apart limb from limb." He cocked his head to one side and I nodded in agreement to his unspoken thought. Charlie would certainly be right there by his side helping Jacob complete that particular task.

"If I see the tiniest sign of zombie Bella-"

"Zombie Bella?" I asked more to myself than to Jacob, but he answered all the same. His memories hit me all at once leaving me breathless as I watched Bella spiral into nothingness. Each image worse than the last. The sight of her slipping into nothingness was a hundred times worse than seeing her make love to Jacob.

"You did that to her. She was a shell of a person by the time I came back into her life," Jake informed me and I could see the visible change in his thoughts. A little more of my Bella spilled back into herself. This boy had been the reason.

"Thank you for taking care of her," I managed to choke out. Not only because being polite to my arch rival was difficult, but the weight of his memories was a real pain pressing against me. To know that I'd damaged her so badly when all I wanted above all else was to protect her…

"I didn't do it for you, dickhead."

I closed my eyes and counted to ten slowly. Dealing with teenagers could be so challenging. "I realize that, but just the same, I appreciate that you were there for her when I couldn't be."

"You say that like things are suddenly going to change. They're not. I'm with Bella. As soon as she finishes saying whatever she needs to say to you and gets some closure, she and I will be married. I am always going to be there for her and you're just going to be an unpleasant memory," Jake sneered.

The door slammed closed. "What the hell are you doing here, Jake?" Bella asked, her tone betraying her concern at finding her ex boyfriend and current boyfriend having a heart to heart.

He jumped a little at the sound of her voice. I'd smelled her the moment she walked through the door, but apparently Jake had been too distracted. When he turned to face her, he at least had the good sense to look apologetic.

She pointed at the door. "Go. I asked you not to come here. You swore that you wouldn't, and yet, here you are talking about things you know nothing about."

I actually felt sorry for Jacob. He looked liked he'd been punched in the stomach by Emmet as she angrily spat those words at him.

"Bella…it wasn't like that," I intervened. Stupid, considerate vampire that I was, but I couldn't just let her rip him to shreds for no reason.

But when she focused her gaze on me, I immediately regretted drawing her attention. "Really? How was it? Are you saying that I didn't hear him calling you crude names and an 'unpleasant memory'? Because I'm fairly certain I did." She turned back to him, her anger growing with each passing second. It wasn't like Bella. Normally she'd have her little tantrum and then instantly regret it, but today she looked like she was just getting warmed up. Maybe now would be a really good time to go hunting. Very far away. Because as soon as Jake left, all that anger would be concentrated on me. Didn't exactly sound like fun. I'd been hoping for something just as passionate, but significantly more satisfying.

Jake started to slink past her, but his teenage, smart mouth just wouldn't let him leave without getting the last word. He grabbed her arm, his hand like a vice around her bicep. "Things I know nothing about? Please, Bella," he snorted in derision. "I lived it with you. If there's an expert out there on broken Bella, it's me. You want to be pissed at me for talking to him then be pissed, but don't minimize what we went through together. If it wasn't for me, where would you be right now? Who picked up the pieces..._both_ times? I did. When Alice called me from Italy with the grand news that you either had to be transformed or die, who gave up everything and everyone for you and hopped on a plane? I did." He shook her a little with each word. Perhaps I should have interfered, but I needed to know everything my selfishness had caused.

"I didn't even hesitate. Knowing you were going to become the very thing that I was programmed to loath, I still packed my bags and followed you to that god forsaken, vampire infested place. It was me, not Carlisle, that gave you all those hormone injections so we could harvest your eggs. Me, not Edward, that stayed by your side while you screamed in agony for three fucking days."

"I thought Alice changed her," I said trying to make sense of things. "In Italy…Aro wanted it done immediately."

The look Jacob shot me was not friendly, but he remained quiet, his chest heaving as he attempted to calm himself.

Bella ran her hand through her hair. "Jake, please go. I'll be home soon." Her words weren't lost on either of us. It really did sound like her life was with him. He smiled broadly at me, just rubbing more salt into the wounds before following Bella's command like the dog that he was.

She was biting her lower lip and for the millionth time I wondered what was going through that crazy brain of hers.

"Alice thought of a way to give me some time. Just a few months, but at least we were prepared, and well, Alice wasn't all that confident in herself. She seemed to think there was a chance that she'd end up killing me. Better than a chance, actually, and I didn't want Aro to do it. You know as well as I do if he transformed me, he'd be adamant about keeping me, so she suggested I freeze some of my eggs…so that sometime in the future I could have a child."

I didn't know what was more shocking, the idea that Bella could still have a child or that Aro would agree to such a request. "Why…what would possess Aro to accept this?"

Bella shrugged. "I'm not entirely sure. Alice touched him and whatever she showed him, he seemed," she stopped, considering her words carefully, "amused. He seemed amused by the outcome." Again she shrugged. "But then, Aro's always amused, isn't he. Even when he's contemplating your death."

"So, he's okay with you being a vampire and raising a human child."

She sighed, her brows furrowed to match the frown on her lightly painted lips. "Who the hell knows, but he gave me the few extra months I needed. That's all I cared about. I stayed in Volterra under his watchful eye and the rest of the family flew out there. So, for several months, at least, he had all but one of the Cullen family. I think he was genuinely surprised that he wasn't able to convince us to stay once I was sane enough to travel."

We were both quiet for a few minutes. My mind was racing. It had never entered my mind that Bella could be both a vampire and a mother and now she could. Jacob could give her that gift where I couldn't. And I couldn't begrudge them that; I wanted to see a piece of Bella live on in the mortal world.

"What are you thinking?" she asked with a half smile.

"I think that's my line." I slumped down into the couch beside her reveling in the small contact I now had with her as our arms, hips, and thighs barely touched each other. It was more than I thought I'd ever have again. "I was thinking that Jacob was right. About everything."

I guess a part of me hoped she would deny it, but she didn't, she just nodded.

"Tell me to leave, Bella, and I'll go," I spoke softly, my eyes glued to the floor studying her boots.

She drew in a long breath then slowly let it out. "I don't want you to leave, Edward, but we…can't go back. We can't be together."

She might have kept talking, I wasn't sure. My ears were ringing and I suddenly knew what it must have felt like for Bella back in the woods the first time I left her. It was no surprise that when I said I didn't want her to come with us all she heard was I didn't want her, because that was all I was hearing right now.

"Edward." Her smooth hand was forcing my face to her, making me stare into eyes that no longer looked at me like I was the sun and the stars. "Your family misses you so much. Esme just hasn't been the same. And Alice…" she trailed off shaking her head sadly. "You have to stay for them."

Was there a worse punishment than having to spend the rest of eternity a part of Bella's life, but not with her? To have to watch her marry another man knowing that there would never be another woman for me? To know that just a few houses over she was making love to him while I ached to be with her? "You must truly hate me to suggest this," I murmured looking away but too weak to get up and lose the small amount of physical contact I had with her crammed as we were on the small love seat. "I already told you I wouldn't leave if you asked me not to. If it is your wish that I stay here and watch you live out your life with Jacob, then so be it. After all, the dog will die sooner or later. He is still half human," I pointed out more to myself than to her.

She ignored my last comment. "However upset I might be with you, I would never ask such a thing of you. For now I'm going to bunk here with Alice and Jasper and you're going up to the main house." She floated up to her feet and my greedy eyes took in her black form fitting jeans which were tucked into her fur lined boots then glided up the rest of her before finally resting on her ruby eyes. She wasn't choosing Jacob over me, not yet, at least. There was still hope. It wasn't much, but it was all I had to keep me going.

She looked so sad at that moment that I couldn't stop myself from wrapping my arms around her and she molded herself against me, a perfect match. Her arms automatically wrapped around my waist, her head resting against my chest, and for the first time in more months than I could count, I felt like I was alive. "What is it? Something has you all shaken," I prodded remembering her anger earlier toward Jacob and how un-Bella-like it had been.

Her arms tightened around me. "Take your pick, Edward…Charlie's a vampire, you...you're here, Mr. and Mrs. Flowers' decimated bodies," she replied softly. " She pulled away, trembling and unable to meet my gaze.

"What can I do to make this easier on you?" I asked gently.

"I don't know. Everything's all messed up...different. I don't know how to be around you and not be with you." With that last statement, she strode to the door. She poked her head back around the corner. "Please pack your things and move over to the main house. Tonight. Once I explain things to Jacob, I'm coming back here."

I nodded. "Whatever you need, Bella."

I watched her leave me for the second time in as many days and while I should be brooding over the fact that she had no intentions of taking me back, with her scent lingering over me, and the knowledge that, at least physically, she still wanted me, I felt oddly content. I'd move into the other house and repair the damage I'd caused to my family giving her all the time she needed to figure out that she wasn't going to be able to stay away. We were soul mates. And if now it was her turn to try and test that bond, then I was going to let her have a go. But I knew from personal experience that she wouldn't succeed. We were tied together for eternity; I could spare her a few months.


End file.
